fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
i think i just lost a toe
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
