i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Your penis caused this!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
