please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
