Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
