My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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