Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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