Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
