ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
