My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
