So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Panties = found
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
