I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
