i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
