do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize