if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
