i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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