Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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