Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
