Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
