That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
