Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
