Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
