Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
