Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
