Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
