i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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