if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I love you.
Bad choice
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
