I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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