a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
