What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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