I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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