I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
