So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
