WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize