I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
