In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I need to stop coming to work sober
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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