I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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