Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
