Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
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