Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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