If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
