I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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