If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
