Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
