he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
