our cab driver is having phone sex.
only you would photoshop your dick
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
