That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
