we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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