3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
