At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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