If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
