You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He better not be in your backpack
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
