I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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