well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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