finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Randomize
