Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
