I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
