Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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