we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
