guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize