Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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