Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
