my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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