You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
