im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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