No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
