Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
