He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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