I wannas sexs uuuuu
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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