I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
