There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
