I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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